Hubs is going to see Muse on Sunday night, think that’s why that title popped into my head. (And I know what you’re thinking- what an amazing wife I am facilitating this excursion when I’m super preggers, parenting a 2 yr old and working with my gang of super mamas- too right.)
Anyway, I think I’ve entered into ‘the wobble’ that I often find myself telling my mamas is very normal towards the end of pregnancy. They are often wobbling about whether they’ve practiced enough, whether they are happy with their place of birth choice, if their partner is really going to be a fantastic support (they always are).
None of this for me- I am wobbling about the logistics, and the emotional transition. Because Louis was born at 41+1 hospital dates, 41+4 my dates.
I tell my clients, no matter how much you rationalise it (only 5%of babies born on due date) there’s a part of most of us that believes it will happen by then, like an expiration date. And once this date comes and goes, waiting ain’t easy. Social pressure, “have you had that baby yet?”, medical pressure, “we induce at 41+3, see you at 10am”, and our own expectations combined with potentially feeling pretty tired, and well, HEAVY.
So I tell my clients- forget the due date, give yourself a “best before” date. Your 42 week date. The World Health Organisation tells us that normal pregnancy is anything between 37-42 weeks. Variations of normal are all around us, why should gestation be any different.
So I’ve done this throughout, with my proverbial money being on 41+2 for some reason, call it instinct, or call it nonsense. Well I’ve done it with such commitment, that it hasn’t occurred to me that this baby could be at the other end of ‘normal’ spectrum. Until suddenly it did. And I realised that, really, he could appear any day. I mean hopefully not until after the weekend, which I’m spending teaching hypnobirthing to my last group of 5 lovely couples and their bumps. If I do need to put on a live demo, hopefully it will wait until around 4pm on Sunday where it would slot in nicely.
But we’re not ready. I mean, we have a changing table now constructed, where all of the baby stuff is stored (read ‘dumped’). We have no changing mat. We have a wardrobe, still in 2 cardboard boxes leaning on our bedroom wall. We have newborn nappies that one of my lovely clients kindly passed on to me. Loads of washed, pristine, hand me down newborn clobber, and a few new bits. Cotton wool and lansinoh purchased. Still have the AngelCare monitor. Bednest being delivered on Monday. Haven’t had the buggy or car seat cleaned yet.
I know all they really need are clothes, nappies and boobs. So I shouldn’t worry about any of the logistical bits really. It just feels so different to the first time, when everything was in place for months in advance. It was easy to see where a newborn would slot in to our home and our lives.
Here lies the issue- it’s not just about getting organised. It’s about not seeing the space in our lives. I just can’t spot it. Toddles is all consuming. (Most of my admin work is done with him climbing on my back or laying on top of me watching one of his faves.) He still wakes, almost every night.
I know every mother must go through this confusion when number 2 is coming. But I move between finding it hard that pregnancy has made it impossible for me to give him 100%, and not being ready for it to be over and to split myself in 2.
Either way, our time IS running out, to some extent. Our time just us and the first born, our time to prepare, our time to mentally adjust to this development (you’d think 9 months would be long enough).
Accepting a 5 week window for normal pregnancy apparently has its pros and cons. When, in all likelihood, I’m still preggers at the end of the month, I’ll be glad I took this stance. Only for now, it’s giving me the occasional momentary heebeejeebees… Little jolts of “oh my gosh what if it’s now?!”.
Of course, if it is now (at least after this weekend), everything will be fine. I have a sense we will never feel truly ready in the same way as we did the first time. How funny, when the first time, we were never ready at all…
Stay tuned for updates on how it’s going and, EVENTUALLY, baby news. Eeeeeek.
Plus I’ll be publishing some August course dates. Maybe extra July ones too, as it’s already almost full. Keep emailing me, and I will keep planning them in!